The experiences and exploits of a college grad trying to make it in the "real world:" leaving school and friends in New England, moving south, and living with her boyfriend. Watch as I pretend to be an adult.
1) Wait until he's utterly absorbed in something like reading, talking online, watching TV, etc. then start kissing his neck and ears. When he doesn't respond immediately, make a hurt face and flounce off, declaring "You never want to fool around with me any more. You must think I'm unattractive. Do you think I'm fat?" 2) When he comes after you to see why you're acting like a spaz, kiss him for a little while, and then suddenly decide you're no longer in the mood, and suggest you go back to whatever you were doing in the first place. 3)After you sit down, give him a few minutes to get back into his book/conversation/program, then cuddle up to him and say, "Honey? Let's talk about our relationship." 4) Enjoy the terrified, deer-in-headlights expression. 5) Ask questions like "Do you feel we're meant for each other?" and "Where do you think this is all going?" that really don't have any answer. When he tries to give one anyway, question every little detail of it until you see that vein in his temple start to pulse. 6) Give his bloodpressure a few minutes to settle, then call your family. A few minutes into the conversation, cover the mouthpiece, and say you really, really have to pee, and could he cover for you for a few minutes? That'd be great! Without giving him a chance to answer, tell your mom/sister/brother/dad that he wants to talk to them, and hand the phone over. 7) Run to the bathroom and spend a good ten minutes in there doing your makeup/hair/rearrangeing the soaps. 8) Go back to the phone, and tell your family member the "cutest story!!" about when your boyfriend did something embarrasing. Afterwards, look over at him and say, "See, they didn't think it was that embarassing!" Watch him blush. 9) Sign online and browse through clothing store websites. Every couple minutes call him over to look look at the "adorable top" or "gorgeous shoes" you just found. 10) Show him this picture and ask, "Honey, if I looked like that would you still love me?" Watch him sputter. If he says "no" act incredibly hurt. If he says "yes" tell him you don't believe him.
