The experiences and exploits of a college grad trying to make it in the "real world:" leaving school and friends in New England, moving south, and living with her boyfriend. Watch as I pretend to be an adult.
Alright. First go read this and be especially sure to read the comments at the bottom. Go on, I'll wait. *drums fingers, whistles to self*
Well, this was actually posted on Fark the other day and it got me thinking about s-words. Look, just bear with me on this.
I found the column humorous and clever, though like many others I saw the parallels with sex and the city. And yes, like others, I found the author's tone a bit immature and a little snobby. But to be fair, what sex column doesn't have a similar flavor to SATC? There are only so many socially acceptable ways to talk about S-ex (here's our first big s-word) in this country. And, to continue with the whole even handed approach, I think immature and a little snobby are labels that can be pinned to most young, aspiring authors. She chose to talk about the most recreational of pastimes in a rather frank tone, and I took much of what she had to say with a grain of salt, feeling there was a bit of tongue and cheek humor there as she poked fun at herself as well as her fling. And then I read the comments. I was stunned (S-tunned?). Most of them were extremely negative- almost angrily so. And, most of the negative comments were from men. When does a man not want to hear a woman talk about sex? Confusing. Then, in the interests of research, I read the comments thread that accompanied the post of Fark- and was even more stunned. Over 400 comments, most from men, denouncing her little column with furious vehemency. So I began to think- why the uproar? That's when it occurred to me- the reactions aren't about the fact that she talked about sex, though that's a loaded s-word in it's own right. Some of them may be related to the fact that she had the gall to talk about casual sex, but most of the angry, accusatory, and (after I re-read them) increasingly defensive sounding comments didn't seem to stem from the actual sex act itself. You see, Heather had the absolute gall to sleep with a man, and then criticize his S-kills. Publicly. Never mind that she kept said Lothario anonymous. Apparently it is unacceptable to ridicule a man's performance in the sack. When she did so, even though the man was someone the commenters had (probably) never met, she apparently confirmed one of mens' biggest fears- yes, women notice if you're bad in bed. And even worse, yes, we will tell other people. Granted, most of us don't have quite as wide an audience, and the level of detail varies from group to group. Some share more, some less. But, in general, it's safe to bet your girl's girlfriends have a decent idea of the overall quality of your sex life. Please, my male friends, take a moment and bolster that fragile ego of yours. This was apparently news to the hundreds of outraged guys out there who commented on Heather's column. And so, pride smarting, they brought out the s-words: S-tupid, S-lut(ty), S-hallow, S-uperficial, S-elfish, S-candelous, S-crew, S-mutty... you get the idea. Today's messages about sex are so mixed. On the one hand we have pop culture telling us that sex is fine, good, and healthy- without bothering to emphasize the necessary precautions. On the other we have puritanical tradition and religious fundamentalism yelling at the top of their lungs about the supposed evils of sex. The fact that a little dinky college sex column can spark such outrage only emphasizes Americans' love/hate relationship with the "humpy-humpy." I wonder how much longer it will take for sex to stop bringing out the inner adolescent in American culture?
After 22 posted at 8:53 PM
